


You Belong With Me

by Phangirling_is_my_passion



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, American Football, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2019-09-02 19:46:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16793578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phangirling_is_my_passion/pseuds/Phangirling_is_my_passion
Summary: There were times when Simon Snow loved his life, when he was making a touchdown or laughing with Baz and Penny in Ebb's cafe. But sometimes it was harsh and cruel and terrible and the bruises and cuts wouldn't fade fast enough or Baz would have a particularly rough night with whoever his dad has sold him out to and really-Simon was just a kid. He was just a kid.×××××Content in this fic is really triggering because there will be an explicitish rape scene and child abuse (and the stuff in the tags etc). It's not as angsty as it sounds really and it does have a happy ending but if you seriously feel as though anything might trigger you please do not read. Stay safe lovelies.





	1. The Love Club

“I’m sick of words that hang above my head. What about the kid? It’s time the kid got free.” -Lorde

The alarm clock on Simon Snow’s desk read 3:45 in bright green, blinding against the dark of the room. A floorboard creaked somewhere in the house and the muffled sounds of the TV could be heard upstairs. Everything was slightly not right to Simon as he sat on his bed, staring.   
Simon liked the early hours of the morning, the feeling of nothingness that always accompanied the dark. His door was locked, his earbuds were in, playing soft music, and he was…. okay. For those moments at least.  
Time moved slowly at night, so much so that it felt as though Simon was swimming through molasses, but time moved all the same. Which is why he found himself rolling out of bed at 4:30, he needed a fucking shower.  
It was like this every morning for Simon. Not sleeping (insomnia was a bitch), showering, eating breakfast (avocado on toast), packing lunch (extra for Baz) and getting out the door before his father would even think of waking up. It was a routine that was comforting albeit tedious.  
The streetlights were still on, casting shadows that followed Simon as he walked. There was a chill in the air, due to it being the middle of September. It was quiet and a little unsettling, like the apocalypse happened early and Simon was the only one left on the earth.  
Baz’s house (mansion) was at the end of a long ass driveway, one which was completely unnecessary and yet somehow fitting for the Victorian architecture. Didn’t stop it from being spooky as hell though, especially at 5AM, which was why Baz usually met Simon at the end of it. Simon might’ve been brave, but not that brave.  
Baz blended into the shadows. His black sweater and black skinny jeans paired with midnight hair that tumbled to his chin made him look like he was the god of the night or some shit like that. He was pale, cheeks and collarbones sticking out of his thin layer of skin. Simon didn’t think there was an ounce of fat on him…anywhere. It was worrying but Simon had learned not to mention it. It was part of their code as best friends, just like Baz didn’t ask when Simon showed up with a broken arm and a black eye. There were just some things they didn’t talk about.  
Baz’s eye skimmed over Simon’s yellow tank top and ripped jeans. “You’re going to catch a cold,” was his formal greeting.  
“And you’re going to get heatstroke,” Simon responded in kind.  
Baz just rolled his eyes. “Yes well at least I can die knowing that I was dressed appropriately for my funeral.”  
“Well,” Simon said indignantly, “at least I can die knowing that I lived my life to the fullest.”  
“That’s not even a proper argument.”  
“Oh, and yours was?” Simon snorted.  
Baz just shoved the extra jacket that he always brought into Simons arms. “Just shut up and wear this you absolute numpty.” Simon obliged like he always did, not because he was cold, but because it was Baz’s and it smelled like cedar and oranges and everything that Simon cared about.  
It was an hour walk into town and it took another twenty minutes to get to Ebb’s Diner. Ebb’s was a run-down place, evident in the burned-out neon ‘b’ and ‘n’ on the dingy sign. The owner, Ebeneza Petty, was a small but powerful woman in her thirties who seemed to be dedicated to helping the unwanted. The Diner didn’t open until nine, but Ebb always let Simon and Baz in when they showed up. It was the closest thing Simon ever felt to safety.  
“Coffee or tea?” Ebb asked as she opened the doors for the two. She had a slight Scottish accent and her eyes were warm.  
“Tea,” both boys answered in unison as they walked into the dining area. The booths were made of red leather and the walls were painted with yellow and white stripes. The tables were mahogany, the lights were casting a warm and welcoming glow on the furniture.  
“Aye, it is that type of morning, isn’t it?” Baz reached into his pocket as Ebb bustled behind the counter, bringing out his wallet. Ebb looked at it with contempt.   
“You put that thing away, you hear me?”  
“But Ebb- “  
Ebb brushed Baz off, saying, “It’s just a cup of tea. It isn’t going to kill me.” Baz huffed.  
“I really must insist.”  
“We’ve been over this before lad, I don’t need your money,” Ebb said again, with an amount of finality in her tone.  
Baz grumbled about trying to be kind and how he was never rewarded, and Simon just rolled his eyes and thanked Ebb, he tended to take a backseat in this conversation. The boys took their usual seats in the back corner, and Ebb came by a few minutes later with two chipped teacups with little goats painted on them.  
“Mint for you,” Ebb said, setting one of the cups down in front of Baz, “and cinnamon clove for you.”   
“Thanks Ebb,” Simon said as he took the warm teacup into his hands. Ebb smiled at him and nodded before she walked off to prep the diner for opening.  
Baz stared at Simon as they sipped their tea, scrutinizing every inch of him, finally setting his cup down and sighing. “You missed a spot,” he said, voice a little dull, grey eyes defeated.  
Simon squinted. “What?” Baz gestured to his collarbone.  
“You missed a spot with the makeup. I can see a bruise.” Simon looked down.  
“Shit.”  
Baz just rolled his eyes. “You really couldn’t think of a better word than ‘shit’? Honestly Simon, have I taught you nothing?” He reached down and unzipped his backpack, coming back up with concealer and a beauty blender. “Anyways, luckily for you,” he said, “I come prepared.”  
The thing Simon hated about school the most was the noise. Everything was loud and unforgiving and cruel. The school library was a haven from all the cacophony, and that’s where Penny was waiting for them.  
“Do you have my coffee?” were the first words out of her mouth.  
Simon took the cup from Baz, who was using it to keep his hands warm, and handed it to her. “No milk, two sugars. Courtesy of Ebb of course.”  
Penny held the coffee in her hands like it was the secret to eternal happiness. “I love that woman,” Penny said, a little reverently.  
Simon snorted, “Don’t we all?”  
Penelope Bunce was made of caffeine and taped together with two hours of sleep. With her unruly hair died a deep green and tied up on top of her head plus the oversized t-shirt slipping off her shoulders, she looked like the coolest variety of mad scientist to ever have existed. Speaking of science…  
“That reminds me did you do the chemistry homework?”  
“Simon Snow I swear to God I’m not doing your chemistry for you,” Penny huffed.  
Simon shrugged. “I get that objectively but ALSO we both know that I am shit at chemistry and-“  
“Language,” Baz interrupted, almost-smiling-but-not-quite.  
“And I need to keep my grades up to stay on the team and well…other things and I swear I won’t make it a habit,” Simon pleaded, ignoring Baz.  
Penny hesitated for a second, but just a second. “You are going to be the death of me,” she finally said reaching into her backpack.  
“You are the absolute BEST, Pen, and I love you,” Simon said solemnly.  
Penelope made a noncommittal grunt and handed the assignment over to Simon to copy.  
“I need that back by second period, alright? So, meet me by my locker after first.” Simon nodded and stuffed the papers into his bag.  
Outside the library, the halls became even busier with students as the bell rang, signaling to the start of the school day. The three friends made their way into the bustle, Simon making sure to hold on to Penny’s hand. Penny was prone to panic attacks when there were a lot of people. Baz and Simon dropped Penny off at her first period and walked together upstairs. Before they parted ways, Baz tugged on Simon’s arm to stop him.  
“Don’t look for me at lunch,” Baz said quietly, “I’m being checked out, a last minute…appointment. My dad’s coming to pick me up.”  
Simon cocked his head. “Is it- “  
Baz shushed him. “Don’t say it out loud.”  
Simon’s heart dropped to his shoes. “Sorry,” he said, a bit mumble-y.  
Baz shook his head. “It isn’t your fault. I’m just trying not to think about it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”  
Simon pursed his lips. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”  
Sometimes Simon (Baz pardon his language) really fucking hated existing.


	2. Daddy Issues

“You ask me what I’m thinking about. I tell you that I’m thinking about whatever you’re thinking about.”-the Neighborhood  
Baz’s shoes had gotten lost somewhere in the motel room, or maybe they had been taken by the man that had taken advantage of him. It wouldn’t have been the first time, nor the oddest thing that had been taken. It was tragic, however, that the illusive shoes were the pastel purple converse that Simon had gotten him for his 16th birthday. He didn’t dwell on that fact for too long, finding that his heart had already sunk far enough into his gut for one night.  
The crisp fall air felt blessedly cool on Baz’s overheated skin as he left the motel behind. He knew two things without a doubt. One, that the nearest payphone was two blocks away (one of the only payphones left in the town), and two, that Simon would still be up, even at two in the morning. He picked up on the second ring.  
“Baz?”  
“Simon.”  
There was a pause. Baz could tell that there were questions that Simon wanted to ask, there always were, but he was far too nice to ask them. Instead, “Same place?”  
Baz nodded and then realized Simon couldn’t see him. “Yeah.”  
“I’ll be there in five.”  
Simon had an old beat-up pick-up truck which, Baz found, was as cliché as it was endearing. The blue paint had been chipped off multiple times (Baz had painted it multiple times) and the rust was slowly consuming the entirety of the car. If Baz was a poetic person (he was) then he would say that the state of the truck perfectly mirrored the state of its owner  
It didn’t matter anyhow if the truck was state of the art or not, it felt safe (it felt like Simon).  
Baz abruptly changed the subject in his mind. He was tired, he felt as though he had a fever, and he wanted to get into warm clothes. As if on cue, Simon reached into the back seat and brought out his school hoodie. Baz was not surprised (hero complex) but took the clothing out of Simon’s hands and slipped it on.  
“We should leave, as in run…right now.”  
“Snow, we’ve talked about this,” Baz sighed.  
“Yeah but I’m serious.”  
“You know I-we can’t.”  
“That is bullshit Baz.”  
Baz kept himself from chiding Simon’s language (it was called for), instead meeting Simon’s gaze pleadingly. “Snow,” he paused, “Simon listen. I’d get in trouble. Hell, you’d get beaten if we got caught. I don’t take pleasure in staying, believe me,” at this Simon started to protest but Baz shushed him, “my dad has too much power and we aren’t legal adults. This isn’t ‘bullshit’ Simon, it sucks, but it isn’t bullshit.”  
Simon gazed out of the windshield. “I hate seeing you hurt.” It came out as a broken whisper.  
Baz leaned forward until his head was resting against Simon’s shoulder. “I know.”  
They sat like that even as the ache in Baz’s chest threatened to consume him, to burn him alive with the unadulterated want. They sat like that until Simon broke the silence.  
“Where do you want to go?”  
“Anywhere but here, Snow.”  
“Okay.”  
They ended up in front of Simon’s house. The building was two stories and painted grey with a red door. The lawn was green and the oak tree in the front of the house was a vibrant mix of yellows and auburns. In other words, it was a regular suburban home.  
Simon looked at Baz sheepishly, his face illuminated only by the lights of the dashboard. “I just figured that you didn’t want to be alone, and I have homework that I gotta do, or else we would be at your house.”  
Baz smiled. “It’s okay Snow, your house is fine.”  
They snuck in through the back door. Baz had done this enough times to know exactly which floorboards creaked and how to bend his shadow into the ground. It was a game familiar to countless teenagers, except if Simon and Baz lost there would be (blood) serious consequences.  
David was asleep in the living room as the two boys crept past. Baz snuck a glance in and saw (heard) Simon’s dad snoring on his recliner as well as the empty vodka bottle next to said recliner. It really was equal parts disgusting and concerning to know that Davy had full parental control over Simon. It made Baz’s blood boil, it had since the third grade.  
Simon’s room was a sanctuary in the otherwise too pristine house. He had posters of bands he liked plastered on his wall. His bed was unmade, grey on blue sheets but Simon wanted floral, and clothes were scattered about the room in haphazard places. His desk lamp was on and there was a pile of papers covering every spare inch.  
“Do you need a shower?” Simon asked.  
“A shower would be good, yeah.”  
“Okay, let me just grab some pajamas for you.”  
The bathroom was attached to Simon’s room. A convenience that was not overlooked. Baz made his way to it, reaching into the cabinet right inside the bathroom and grabbing a spare towel and washcloth. Simon appeared beside him seconds later, handing him a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. Before he could leave, Baz grabbed his arm.  
“You were right…about me not wanting to be alone.”  
Simon half smiled. “Yeah, I figured.”  
Baz cleared his throat. “Stay…with me? I just, I don’t, I know it’s weird to be in the same room while I’m showering, but I just, you know what? Neve- “  
“I’ll stay. Just get in the shower you loser.” Baz did as he was told.  
***  
The sun hadn’t begun to rise when Simon shook Baz awake. Baz had apparently fallen asleep while helping Simon write an essay that was due that day.  
“What time is it?” Baz asked.  
“5:30 on the dot. C’mon Baz, if we don’t get going soon, we’ll be in deep shit.”  
“You sound like an idiot Simon, stop saying shit.”  
Baz could feel Simon’s eye roll. “Fine. We’ll be in deep doo doo. Does that make you happy?”  
“Positively radiant.” Baz replied.  
He made quick work of throwing on his jeans from last night. He borrowed one of Simon’s hoodies and a pair of sneakers before they hurriedly left.  
The air was frigid as the two boys made their way to Ebb’s. Simon, of course, was not wearing a coat.  
“You’re going to catch a cold.” Baz said.  
“Jesus fucking Christ Baz, I swear if you say that one more time.”  
The bickering was familiar. It staved off the feelings eating Baz up on the inside. The play fighting kept him distanced from the real problem. The fact that Simon Snow was an open flame, and Baz had always wanted to burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi its me your local trashcan  
> anyways this was another chapter that killed me inside which is fine cuz i wrote it but whatever  
> hope you like it


	3. Killer Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know jack shit about football to be honest so I'm so sorry if you do my description is probably not accurate I kind just watched like....a single youtube video about it oops

“Recommended at the price, insatiable an appetite. Wanna try?”-Queen  
Penny walked with her head down and her hands gripping the straps of her backpack. She hated the noise of the lunchroom and the crowd that came with it. The air between her peers was charged with excitement, what it was like every game day. Still, her friends were probably waiting for her at the back of the lunchroom as they always were. Baz too, was a fan of blending into the crowd.  
“Hey Baz, did you know that Beluga whales are called the ‘canaries of the sea’ because they make noises like birds?”  
“No Simon, why on Earth would I know that?”  
Penny couldn’t help the smile that spread on her face as she made her way towards the voices of Baz and Simon. The noise might’ve sucked and caused a hell of a lot of anxiety, but seeing Simon waving enthusiastically at her made it all worth it.  
“Hey Pen!” He said. Simon really was like a golden retriever.  
“Hey Simon,” Penny replied as she sat down beside her friend. She looked over at Baz who was nose deep in his copy of the unabridged Les Misérables. “How many times have you read that again?” Baz didn’t answer until Penny leaned over and tapped him on the shoulder. Baz looked at her accusingly.  
“What?”  
“How many times have you read that book?”  
“I lost count.”  
“Seriously?” Penny laughed  
Baz rolled his eyes. “Shut up, rebellion turns me on.”  
“It sure does.”  
Baz rolled his eyes again but set the book down. Penny noted that he was wearing Simon’s football jersey, a tradition that had started in ninth grade. Simon had insisted that Baz show school spirit, and Baz had told him to “kindly screw off” and it had just escalated till Simon had ripped his jersey off his torso and thrown it at Baz’s face. It was an odd memory for sure, but every time Penny thought about it, she smiled.  
Penny leaned over and rested her head on Simon’s shoulder. He smiled down at her.  
“Are you coming to the game tonight?” He asked.  
“Maybe? I have work tonight, but I’ll see what I can do.”  
Baz interjected, “Okay, well even if you aren’t at the game, you should sleep over at my house tonight. I could re-dye your hair or something.”  
Penny smiled over the table at him. “Yeah, that would actually be really good. I’ve gotta get out of that house for at least one night. And my dad will be with the children.”  
“Sounds like a plan,” Baz replied, picking up his book again.  
Penny watched as Simon began sliding bits of food over to Baz who took them without much protest. There was complaining at the beginning, a lot of ‘I’m seriously not hungry’ and ‘Simon you’re wasting food” but Baz had been friends with Simon for years and there was no arguing when Simon set his mind to something. It was disgustingly cute really.   
The three of them had been inseparable since third grade when Penny’s family moved to Vermont for her dad’s job. Simon had been the friendliest kid on the playground and Baz had sprouted English facts and Penny had had felt comfortable instantly.  
The point was that Penny knew her friends, so she knew exactly what emotion flitted across Baz’s face when Agatha Welbellove appeared at their table.  
“Its Simon, right?” She asked.  
“Yeah,” he responded.  
Agatha flipped her pale hair and fluttered her eyelashes. “I just wanted to wish you luck, big game and all.”  
“Thanks.”  
“Anyways,” Agatha said, turning, “see you around.”  
Penny, Simon, and Baz watched as Agatha strutted off and disappeared into the sea of students. Penny turned to Simon once she was out of sight.  
“Simon, what the hell?”  
Simon had the decency to look bewildered.  
“I don’t- “  
“She’s literally the most popular girl in the entire school, how?”  
“I think she just wanted to wish me luck Pen, which is nice,” Simon said.  
“Oh, give me a break Snow, she was clearly flirting with you,” Baz interjected.  
Penny spared a glance at Baz, who had started reading again. Well, at least that’s what it looked like. His shoulders were tensed, and his hands were gripping the book too tightly. On Penny’s right, Simon let out a nervous laugh. “That’s not…” Simon trailed off.  
“Anyway, the bells going to ring soon,” said Baz, stuffing his book back into his bag and standing up. “Shall we go?”  
+++++  
Simon was nervous, Baz could tell by his clenched jaw and stiff posture. Baz had passed Davy when finding a seat in the stands and instantly felt dread curl in his stomach. Simon’s dad came to every game, a cruel reminder that Simon’s health depended on how he performed under the immense pressure of high school football.  
The stands were crowded as Baz ascended the steps to the top of the stands. It was easier for Simon to see him that way and he felt safer sitting by the band kids then by himself. Penny had informed him that she would be there for the second half and until then he intended to not break down into a mess of nerves. He always wanted Simon to win anyway, but he hated the thought of seeing Simon with two black eyes-something that even makeup couldn’t cover.  
Baz could feel the excitement swirling around him as the chatter died down and the announcer called for the people on the bleachers to stand for the national anthem. Baz could barely hear the singer as he focused on the back of Simon’s head. He hadn’t put his helmet on yet and his curls were shining in the artificial field lights. People were cheering around him as the singer hit her final note and signaled the game to begin. Simon met eyes with Baz and waved and Baz returned the gesture with a reassuring smile.  
Simon and the other team captain made their way to the center of the field for the coin toss, the other team received control of the ball. Baz didn’t know much about football technically, even with Simon being the captain of the football team, but he knew enough to know which team was winning. The odds weren’t looking good for the home team. The Kings (Baz’s school) were good at football sure, Simon was a good captain and quarterback and knew how to call plays, but the visiting players were big.  
The first quarter proved to be useless point wise. The teams seemed to be equally matched in technique and couldn’t quite get past each other. The Second quarter gave a touchdown to the other team as well as a foul against a huge looking linebacker who caused a helmet to helmet collision with a tight end on the home team.  
Baz watched as Simon huddled the team together, probably giving them the ‘this is fine, we can still pull through’ talk as halftime started and the football players exited the field. Baz tried to catch Simon’s eye, to reassure Simon or himself he wasn’t particularly sure, either way it didn’t work, and he was forced to sit through the marching band’s field show. His stomach was tight with nerves as the players made their way back onto the field and the third quarter commenced.  
Penny showed up right as Simon managed to elude the defensive tacklers and race the ball into the ten-yard line. The Kings managed a touchdown and the stands erupted. At some point, the two teams had managed to tie, and the fourth quarter began with immediate fouls. Both teams were out for blood as the clock ticked down to the final seconds of the game.  
The visiting team managed to score a few extra points and Baz gripped Penny’s hand until she couldn’t feel it anymore. Simon gained possession of the ball and raced towards the endzone. People were screaming around Baz who could hardly hear them at all. His vision was tunneled on Simon as he ran as hard and as fast as he could. A defensive player was gaining on him and Baz couldn’t remember how to breathe as the player reached out to Simon and yanked him down right as the timer rang.   
Baz’s peers let ‘boo’s and ‘foul’s out as the game was ended and the teams lined up to high five. Baz caught sight of Davy in the crowd as he made his way off the bleachers. His mouth was drawn in a tight line and his brows were furrowed. He looked disappointed and…angry. Baz swallowed and glanced back down at Simon who had seemingly also caught sight of his dad. He turned to Penny and buried his face in her shoulder.  
“Let’s go home, okay?”  
+++++  
Davy shoved Simon into the house and slammed the door behind him.  
“You just couldn’t fucking win, could you?” His voice was practically dripping malice.  
Simon stood his ground and stared his father in the eye. “I tried my best dad, and if you couldn’t see that then clearly you need to get your eyes checked.” Davy grabbed Simon by the collar and shoved him against the wall.  
Simon could smell the alcohol on Davy’s breath as he spit, “You’re going to regret that you worthless piece of shit.”  
Later, as Baz held an icepack to Simon’s bruised face and Penny gently wrapped his right pointer and middle finger in medicinal tape, he found that he didn’t regret it. Not one bit.


	4. Talk Fast

“Burn, crash, romance: I’ll take what I can get from you.”- 5 Seconds of Summer

“Simon?”  
Simon watched as Baz pushed his reading glasses up his nose for the fifth time in as many minutes. “Simon.” Baz raised his eyebrow at something (presumably) that he had just read, his lips curved up slightly. “Simon!”  
Simon jumped and turned to face Agatha. “What?”  
Agatha huffed and pushed a lock of hair out of her face. “I was just wondering what your plans were after school? I need help with my math homework, I just don’t understand it, and I know that you do.”  
Simon saw Baz’s head snap up from his periphery vision. It was Wednesday, which meant study day with Baz. He wouldn’t give that up. “Well, Agatha, you see- “  
“No Wellbelove, Snow doesn’t have any plans after school, and I’m sure that is what he was trying to communicate to you just barely, but he doesn’t know how to use his words,” Baz said. Agatha squinted at Baz for a moment before turning to Simon for confirmation. Simon shrugged and eventually nodded.  
“Great,” Agatha said, gathering her stuff, “We can go to my house, my parents won’t mind. I’ll meet you out front after school.” Agatha slung her backpack over her shoulder and was gone with a hair flip and a wave. Simon turned to Baz, his brows furrowed. Baz looked back incredulously.  
They maintained eye contact for awhile until Baz finally caved and looked away.  
“What?” he asked.  
Simon gestured in the general direction Agatha had disappeared to. “What was that all about? I was going to say no! It’s Wednesday.”  
“I am aware of what day it is, Snow,” Baz said.  
“Why are you being so weird? Is it just-do you just not like Agatha? She’s nice Baz! Assuming you even know the definition of the word.”  
“I know what nice means.”  
“Then why were you being all snappy just barely?” Simon asked.  
Baz sighed and put his book down, taking his glasses off. “I see the way you look at her, ever since she started sitting with us at lunch, you’ve gone all gooey eyed, and frankly it’s disgusting. You have a crush, Snow, and saying no to invitations to study with her and meet her parents isn’t going to get you anywhere.”  
“But- “ Simon tried, feeling inexplicably betrayed.  
“Furthermore, this could help your standing with your father- “  
“I don’t give a flying fuck what my father thinks about me- “  
“Well you should, seeing as you’re in danger every time you go home- “  
“You don’t get to make my decisions for me Basilton- “  
“Guys! Stop,” Penny shouted, drawing attention to their table. She grimaced and waited for the conversations around her to start up again, then turned her attention back to Simon and Baz. “Baz is right Simon, this could help with you father. But Baz,” she turned to him, “you can’t make Simon’s decisions for him.” Baz huffed and looked down.  
“I know,” Baz said.  
“So why did you answer for me?” Simon asked.  
“I just want you to be happy, but I’m sorry.”  
Simon immediately went soft and smiled at Baz. “You and Penny make me so fucking happy, Baz. I don’t need a girlfriend to be happy.”  
Baz glanced up and rolled his eyes upon seeing the look on Simon’s face. “Saying the word ‘fucking’ to enunciate you’re point doesn’t make you cool, get a dictionary.”  
“It releases endorphins Baz, get educated.”  
@@@@@  
Agatha and Simon were sat in the Wellbelove’s living room, in front of the fireplace. Papers were strewn about everywhere around the two and they were currently leaning over the same assignment.  
“So basically, you set that up like…1L+35=21+15. You still with me?” Simon asked, looking up to see Agatha with a crease between her eyebrows from concentration. She nodded after a moment and Simon took that as his cue to continue. “So you’re going to subtract 25 from both sides and that’s going to get you to the equation…-25+1L+35+15.”  
“Does this stuff just come naturally to you?” Agatha asked. Simon shrugged. “You shrug a lot, why is that?”  
Simon almost responded by shrugging again before he realized that would not answer her question. “Words just get stuck in my mouth, like they get all jumbly and shit. It’s easier for me to communicate nonverbally. I dunno if that makes sense or not.” Agatha smiled at him.  
“Yeah, it actually does,” Agatha said.  
Simon looked around at the spotless living room they were sitting in. The walls were painted white, they were sitting on white carpet, and the couches were white. Simon felt like he was in a mad house. “So, what do you do for fun?”  
“Oh, horseback riding, hanging out with friends, you know normal girl stuff,” Agatha answered. She picked at the carpet a few times before looking up. “Have you ever kissed anyone, Simon?”  
Simon felt his cheeks heating up, his face probably looked like an overripe strawberry. “I-I mean yeah, a couple people during like truth or dare or whatever. Have you?”  
“No.”  
“Seriously?”  
Agatha frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
If it was possible, Simon blushed even harder. “Nothing bad! I just, you’re very pretty.”  
“You think I’m pretty?” Agatha asked. She was smirking and noticeably scooting closer to where Simon had retreated.  
That whole conversation felt like a trap; however, Simon was anything but a coward. “Yeah, I think you’re really pretty,” Simon said. Agatha’s face was now only a few inches away from Simon’s. When had she gotten so close?   
“So, you wouldn’t mind if I did this?” She asked before leaning it.   
It was a simple press of lips, no fireworks, but it was nice. It lasted for a second before Agatha pulled away. “How was that for my first attempt?”  
Simon swallowed. It was loud in the silent room. “It was good…really good.” Agatha looked pleased as she leaned back. “D’you want to go on a date with me? Ya know, since we kissed and everything,” Simon asked.  
“I kissed you, didn’t I? Yes, I would like to go on a date with you.”  
Simon leaned back on one of the white couches. As far as study dates went, this wasn’t the worst one he’d had.  
@@@@@  
Baz’s bedroom was on the second floor of his ridiculously big house. In the beginning of their friendship, it had taken Simon a few failed attempts to climb the tree next to his window, but after years of practice, it was as easy as breathing. The window was unlocked, as it always was, and Simon made quick work of slipping in.  
Baz was sitting with his legs folded on his bed with his earbuds in, sound turned all the way up. Simon kept nagging at Baz that the loud volumes would ruin his hearing (it would work except that Simon did the exact same thing). Simon jumped on Baz’s bed next to him and Baz quickly pulled his earbuds out and swung them at Simon.  
“You scared me you absolute idiot!”  
“Well you would’ve heard me come in if you hadn’t been listening to your music so loud. So, whose fault is it really.”  
“Still yours”  
“I fucking knew you’d say that,” Simon said.  
Baz just hummed and looked back at the paper he had been previously staring at.  
“Watcha working on?” Simon asked.  
“Math.” Baz replied.  
Simon rolled onto his stomach so he could see the problems. Baz’s too bony hip pressed into his ribs. It really should be uncomfortable, but they had been doing this for years and it was all familiar territory. “I can just do it for you.”  
“Some of us like to learn, Snow.”  
“Yeah but it’s late,” Simon said.  
“I didn’t know how long you were going to be with Wellbelove, so I just decided to try to do it.”  
At the mention of Agatha, Simon felt dread curl in his stomach. The kiss hadn’t been a big deal, and Baz had made the study date happen anyway. So why did Simon feel so guilty about asking Agatha out?  
“Yeah, Baz, about the study session- “  
Simon was interrupted by Penny stumbling through the window. Her face was streaked with tears, still wet from their continuous travel. Both boys rushed over to her.  
“What is it Bunce, what’s wrong?”  
“My family. We’re going to be homeless.”  
“What?” Simon asked. “I thought your parents sorted that whole thing out.”  
Penny nodded, “I thought they did! But we got an eviction notice. This is the earliest I could get away. Oh my god I don’t know what we’re going to do.”  
Baz took Penny’s hand and led her over to the bed. Simon and Baz sat next to her on either side. “This house has a caretaker building. No one ever goes there except for me. It’s small, but it could work as accommodation until your family can figure stuff out,” Baz said.  
Penny sniffled. “But your dad- “  
“His dad can shove it,” Simon said. Baz nodded in agreement. “And like Baz said, no one goes back there. It will be fine Pen.”  
Penny put her head on Simon’s shoulder and pulled Baz in so that they were all huddled together. “I don’t know what I would do without you guys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism is always welcome! Also just.....comments are always welcome! Do whatever you feel like! I really just need to go to bed okay


	5. Last Night's Fake Blood

“Yeah you can disrobe, take off all of your clothes. Look at you, now you’re the one who’s exposed.” -Miniature Tigers

Simon could see the leaves from the Wellbelove’s kitchen window as he stared outside. They were in all shades of yellows and reds and oranges and he knew that Baz would’ve loved to watch them, probably would have said some poetic shit about how beautiful they were. However, Baz was most likely at Ebb’s and Simon was stuck at a brunch at Agatha’s with Davy.  
“So, Simon, Agatha’s told us you like playing football,” Mr. Wellbelove said. The sound of his name brought Simon back to the conversation at hand.  
“Yeah, it’s alright,” he said.  
“She tells us you’re very good.”  
Simon shrugged. “Well we won the state championships, so I’m happy about how our season went. Really though, it’s a team effort.”  
“Are you planning on going pro?”  
“He’s using football for scholarships, but Simon is going to study business management,” Davy interjected. Simon barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes.  
“Is that so? That’s so nice that Simon has his future planned out. I wish our Agatha could find something she’s good at,” said Mrs. Wellbelove.  
“She’s good at a lot of things,” Simon replied. Mr. Wellbelove laughed.  
“You let us know what those things are when you find them out.”  
Simon glanced at Agatha to find her staring at her plate and chewing her lip. “Well she’s really good at cheerleading, and she’s so good at history I don’t know how she memorizes all those dates. She’s also a super quick learner. Literally, she’s so good at everything it’s really unfair,” Simon said. Agatha looked up at Simon and smiled.  
“Well that’s very nice of you to say dear, although I wouldn’t exactly count any of those as talents,” Mrs. Wellbelove replied. Simon again resisted the urge to roll his eyes and instead picked more at the food on his plate.  
The rest of lunch passed by in a blur of Simon questioning if the Wellbeloves knew how to say one kind word about their daughter. (He determined that the answer was no).  
As Simon and Davy climbed into Davy car, he turned and clapped Simon on the back. “Agatha’s a pretty one. You did well.”  
“Did I?” Simon asked incredulously.  
Davy fixed him with a hard stare. “You two make a great pair. She knows when to keep her mouth shut, much better than that Pitch brat you hang out with.  
“She shouldn’t have to know when to keep her mouth shut, and he’s not a brat, he’s my beat friend.”  
“Simon.”  
“Davy.”  
“Don’t ruin a perfectly good lunch. You need to shut up and get yourself under control, do you hear me?” Davy asked.  
“Or what dad? You gonna hit me? You know, that threat is getting really old. If-“ Simon was cut off by a hand around his neck.  
“I swear to God if you say one more word boy, you’ll regret ever being born.”  
Simon gritted his teeth, and stopped talking.  
+++++  
The wind was biting into Simon’s skin as he made his way to Ebb’s. It had taken awhile to get away from his father, but eventually Davy had passed out on the couch and Simon had climbed out the window.   
He had almost decided to just stay home. His neck was a little sore from briefly being choked, and truth be told he needed a little break. But, something in Simon desperately needed to see Baz so he had pulled on his shoes (no coat) and left.  
That’s how Simon found himself looking inside one of the front windows at Ebb’s. He watched as Penny laughed at something Ebb had said while they were setting out paper plates. He could see Baz munching on a Ghost shaped cookie as he swayed to a soft beat Simon could barely hear outside.  
Baz threw a Halloween party every year, except it wasn’t really a party. He only invited a few people like Trixie and her girlfriend Keris from Chemistry. People that were cool and for lack of a mom cliché word-misfits.  
Simon made his way inside, and as soon as the bell above the door jingled, Baz was right in front of him.  
“I thought you said you couldn’t make it,” Baz said.  
Simon smiled. “Yeah but it’s Halloween, your favorite holiday, and I couldn’t bear to miss out on the fun. Plus, I kinda just want to be with you.”  
Baz’s answering grin could have lit up their whole town. “Well if you want to be with me, you could help set out the cookies.”  
Simon slipped his hand into Baz’s. “Setting out cookies it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back babyyyyy I'm so sorry if this chapter sucks I'm getting over major writer's block but! It should be easier now cuz I'm out of school and thriving


	6. Why Do You Feel So Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a super light reference to cutting and also an eating disorder if you squint-also mentions of abuse

“Why do you feel so down? Again, I know I’m not a very good friend.” -Declan McKenna

“Has Simon been getting meals?”  
“Yeah, I get him food through his window at night. He’s not very cooperative though, says it’s too dangerous.”  
Penny sighed and placed her head in her hands. “Well, we’re on the fifth day. He should be able to come back to school soon-or at least leave the house.”  
Simon had been bedridden ever since he had ‘tripped down the stairs accidentally’ and broke his leg. At least, that was what Davy had told the school as well as Baz when he had went round to inquire about Simon’s absence. Penny and Baz knew better though. In reality, Davy had slammed a door into Simon’s leg multiple times to teach him a lesson. Which wasn’t fine but, well, Baz couldn’t very well do anything about it.  
“Any news about how Simon’s holding up? He must be in an awful lot of pain,” Agatha said. She had taken to sitting with the rest of the cheerleaders in Simon’s absence, but she always showed up for the last five minutes of lunch to ask about Simon.  
Baz ignored Agatha in favor of packing his backpack back up. She never addressed him anyway.  
“He’s fine, still on the mend,” Penny replied.  
“Okay, well I was planning on visiting him tomorrow.”  
“Don’t,” Baz said. He didn’t know how stable Davy would be, and even though he didn’t like Agatha he knew Simon would feel awful if she got hurt.  
Agatha turned to him and glared. “Excuse me? I think I can visit my boyfriend when I want to.”  
“Yeah, well he’s healing and doesn’t want company.”  
“But I suppose he still wants your company? Isn’t that right?”  
Baz stiffened, but stood his ground. “I’m his best friend.”  
“Again, I’m his girlfriend. You don’t get to selfishly keep him to yourself anymore. You don’t think I know about your little crush on him? It’s so stupidly obvious I’m amazed he hasn’t noticed yet. But he chose me, so get over it.”  
With that, Agatha flipped her hair over her shoulder and left Baz and Penny staring at her.  
••••  
“Penny, is my crush on Simon really that obvious?”  
Penny was currently dying her hair in Baz’s bathroom, and Baz was trying (and failing) to write an essay on the importance of Shakespeare in the modern world.  
“That depends lovey. I can see it, but that’s only because I know it’s there. And also, let’s not fool ourselves, it’s not just a crush anymore,” Penny replied.  
Baz sighed and shut his laptop, going into the bathroom to sit on the vanity.  
“Agatha could see it,” Baz said.  
Penny stopped what she was doing. “You aren’t still thinking about what she said yesterday, are you?”  
Baz looked down and traced the faded scars on his wrists. “A little bit.”  
Penny reached out and took Baz’s hands in hers. “I’m so not good at this comforting thing, but Baz listen to me. Simon loves you a lot. I think its more than friends, I can’t be sure. But he won’t abandon you. He’s not that type of person. You know that. He’d only leave you if you were in extraordinary danger because of you’re connection with him-or if he just wanted to be stupidly heroic, but he’d get over it eventually. You know that, right?”  
Baz glanced up but quickly looked back down. Eventually, he nodded.  
“Okay. This is great, we’re having fun!” Penny said. Baz laughed and hopped off the vanity. He stopped at the bathroom door.  
“Don’t come over tomorrow by the way, I’m taking dinner to Simon, and then I have to go to an appointment afterwards.”  
Penny stopped short and looked at him.  
“Is it-“  
“It always is.”  
Penny turned back to the mirror. “Okay well, let me know if you need anything then. Afterwards, I mean.”  
Baz smiled. “I will.”  
••••  
“Did Agatha come around and visit you yesterday?”  
It was Sunday, and Baz was currently sitting at the edge of Simon’s bed. He had brought him all the leftovers from his dinner (and there were plenty since Baz practically didn’t eat anything).  
“Yeah, she came to see me,” Simon replied.  
Baz glanced at Simon to see him picking at his food. Simon was always hungry. He decided not to mention it. Instead, “I tried to tell her not to come, but she wouldn’t listen.”  
Simon hummed in response but made no other attempts to carry the conversation.  
Baz chewed his lip for a little bit before finally getting the courage to turn to Simon.  
“Alright, something is obviously bothering you, so out with it.”  
Simon looked up, then back down again.  
“Nothings bothering me.”  
Baz controlled the strong urge to roll his eyes. “Simon, I’ve known you since as long as I can remember. I know when somethings up and-“  
“I don’t think we should see each other as much anymore,” Simon said.  
Baz blinked, surprised at the interruption, before the words sunk in and he started to panic. Simon was talking nonsense, obviously.  
“What exactly do you mean by that, Snow?” Simon huffed and pushed the plate off of his lap. He laid down and turned to face his bedroom door, away from Baz.  
“It’s not safe for you here, and it’s not safe for me at your house. Besides, I have a girlfriend now so I should be spending more time with her. Agatha said she felt neglected, and rightly so I mean, I’ve seen you practically everyday in the last week and I’ve only seen her once. Besides, it would make my dad happy.”  
“I thought you said that you didn’t care what your father thinks.”  
“Baz-“  
“No, you said it. You said, ‘Baz I don’t give a fuck-“  
“Fucking don’t.”  
Baz was nearing hysterics, trying to hold it together and remind himself of Penny’s words. Trying to act as if his entire world wasn’t starting to fall apart.. “Simon Snow you can’t just fucking convince me that all of a sudden you’ve changed your tune. What the hell-“  
Simon abruptly sat up and turned to Baz.  
“It’s my decision Basilton, don’t fucking act like my father and take my choices away from me.”  
He immediately fell silent, his throat clogged up and his breathing irregular. After a few moments of Simon and Baz staring at each other, Baz broke the silence.  
“Will we still talk to each other?” Baz’s voice was shakier than he wanted it to be.  
Simon shrugged. Baz slowly nodded, sliding off the bed.  
“Is this really what you want Simon?”  
Simon laid back down and faced the wall again.  
“It is.”  
“Okay,” Baz said, stepping away from Simon’s bed. “I guess I won’t be seeing you around.” Simon didn’t answer, and Baz quietly made his way out the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if anyone is still even interest in this story but I am! Anyways I tried to edit it but if there’s any mistakes it just be like that I’m so tired Okay hope you liked it

**Author's Note:**

> This was kind of just an introduction to characters and it's kinda trash probably but that's fine nkkxjsjdjjs  
> Also I'm so sorry I'm a terrible person oops


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